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MHB > Complete Document Index

[Galleries]
2008-06-30
Chepstow 2008
The Chepstow gig is a regular gig for the Mafia. Basically the drill is to drive to Chepstow in South Wales, get put up in what can only be described as a mansion, get fed with free drink and beer, and the only thing required in return is to play a stonking gig to a really good crowd. This collection contains various pictures of the June 2008 gig.

[Galleries]
2008-05-26
The H Welcome Party
When the Mafia welcome a new guitarist it is customary for everyone to congregate in one place and generally have a bit of a party. (And when there is a party, it is customary for Mayfield to develop a fondness for Ralph.)

[Galleries]
2007-12-21
Mafia Christmas Party 2007
Every year the Mafia have a christmas party, this year it was in the King's Head in that wonderfully surreal place known as Wickham. Apologies for the piss-poor picture quality, I forgot my camera and had to rely on the shitty little camera built into my phone.

[Reviews]
2007-08-07
Soundwave MP3 Player
It's a Transformer. It's an MP3 player. It's possibly the geekiest thing I own.

[Galleries]
2007-07-13
Battle of the Bands 2007 Final
Miss, a band made up mostly of the Mafias' better halves, got into the final of the Hampshire Rose's Battle of the Bands competition. Here are some photos from the evening.

[Articles]
2007-07-05
Ash's Guide to Astro Barrier
Astro Barrier is, hands down, the coolest thing about Club Penguin. I'm a high score freak, so I thought I'd share a bit of my wisdom in order to help others.

[Galleries]
2007-05-21
Warmwell 2007
Once again, Spring Fever is upon us. So off we went to Warmwell for another weekend of fun and frolics.

[Articles]
2007-02-17
How to Destroy a Fruit Machine
Mayfield had a fruit machine he wanted to get rid of. Sadly it was far too big and took up too much room in the skip. So we destroyed it. And took photos. Oh yes.

[Galleries]
2007-01-15
The Making of Nice With Sauce
In the first two weeks of 2007 The Mafia went into the studio to record their latest album.

[Galleries]
2006-10-07
Last Night in Bognor
I've stopped putting photos from pretty much every Mafia gig I attend online because... well... I kinda attend all of them these days. However, last night's was a particularly memorable occurance. Traditionally I end up with the mad drunken dancing woman at the end of the night, but this time Scooby got in there before I could. I guess I'll have to lower my standards, this competition is too much!

[Galleries]
2006-09-24
Autumn Blitz 2006
The Autumn Blitz is one of the New Forest HOG events. This year, for the first time, it was held at a new venue in Wareham. Unfortunately, they had the same old entertainment (namely the Mafia). These are some very Mafia-flavoured shots from the weekend.

[Galleries]
2006-09-02
Gary's Last Gig
Those who know of the Mafia will also know that Gary Webb is no longer with us as lead guitarist. Fortunately, it just so happenned that his last scheduled gig was at the White Horse in Swanage... always a good gig!

[Galleries]
2006-08-01
Swanage Carnival 2006
The Mafia are rather tightly integrated into the Swanage Carnival, mainly thanks to Rossie at the White Horse. Here's some pictures from the week.

[Articles]
2006-07-13
The First (and Last) Annual Madhouse Beyond Dildo Derby
In late 2003, our local pub The Lapstone accquired a vibrator vending machine in the gents toilet. What would a male use a vibrator for anyway? We came up with a solution. We decided to race them.

[Galleries]
2006-05-15
Warmwell 2006
As is traditional, the Mafia went to Warmwell for the New Forest HOG's "Spring Fever" Rally this year. Here are (some of) the pictures.

[Techie Info]
2006-04-10
How to play DDR on your PC
I play DDR on my PC. Every time I say this to someone, I get asked 'how?'. Rather than keep pointing them to information that moves, changes and is generally inaccurate, I finally decided to produce the 'definitive' guide to getting DDR working on the PC. Includes information on connecting a Playstation controller to a PC without having to buy any of those daft 3rd party cables.

[Articles]
2006-04-02
All Your iPod Are Belong To Us
More engrish instructions, this time from an in-car iPod adapter from Hong Kong.

[Galleries]
2006-03-04
Pete's Birthday - Mafia Murder Mystery
For Pete's birthday bash we decided to have a murder mystery night. Cue lots of silly dressing up and jokes about Hagar's driving.

[Articles]
2006-02-12
Things You Won't Hear on an Anime Forum
As anime fandom degenerates into a menagerie of arrogant squabbling teenagers, it's nice to imagine how things could be.

[Galleries]
2006-01-01
New Years Eve 2005
A collection of photos I took on New Years Eve. This year the Mafia were at the Crown and Cushion in Haslemere.

[Galleries]
2005-12-04
Chepstow 2005
The Chepstow gig is becoming a semi-regular gig for the Mafia. Basically the drill is to drive to Chepstow in South Wales, get put up in what can only be described as a mansion, get fed with free drink and beer, and the only thing required in return is to play a stonking gig to a really good crowd. This collection contains pictures of the December 2005 gig (and its aftermath)

[Articles]
2005-11-25
Incredible Facts About Wickham
There is a place in Hampshire known as Wickham. It is a very special and unique place to visit, and we're here to explain why.

[Articles]
2005-09-07
The 20 Coolest Baddies of All Time!
How many times have you watched a cartoon and thought "God, the goodies are boring - give the baddies their own show!" Well here is a list of the 20 greatest baddies of all time...

[Reviews]
2005-08-28
Tomoyo no Video Daisakusen
Described by many as one of the most pointless video games of all time, but it's just so darn cute! Just how good is it really?

[Galleries]
2005-08-24
Ayacon 2005
Ash went to Ayacon. Pictures are, of course, obligatory.

[Galleries]
2005-06-26
BOA 2005
Ash's pictures from the first Bloodstock Open Air metal festival.

[Galleries]
2005-05-17
Warmwell 2005
Pictures from my trip to the New Forest Harley Owners Group rally 2005 at Warmwell with the Mafia.

[Galleries]
2005-05-07
Minami Con 11
It's Minami 11. And yes, I do claim the rights to the first photos of the con published online!

[Articles]
2005-04-04
The Four Horsemen's World Tour of Southampton
The Four Horsemen are here - in the form of blatent celeb lookalikes. We're on the lookout - Think you've spotted one? Let us know!

[Articles]
2005-03-25
Deriving Humour from LiveJournal
LiveJournal is unique in the world of blogs. It seems to see itself as less of a blog system and more of an online community. It is therefore home to one of the most angst-ridden, bitch infested collections of idiots on the internet. So why this article? Simple... depressed teenagers are bloody funny.

[Reviews]
2005-03-25
Pork in the Bush
The Mafia's fourth studio album. Ash writes a totally unbiassed and open-minded review. Not.

[Homage]
2004-12-03
Knightmare
Spellcasting! H O M A G E!

[Articles]
2004-10-27
Weird Al's eBay
We like Weird Al's song "eBay"... partially because it's so true. And we're gonna prove it.

[Galleries]
2004-09-25
The Mafia Live on Bournemouth Seafront
Yes, it's another bloody Mafia photo gallery! This is their gig on Bournemouth sea front (in the pouring rain) for the New Forest Harley Owners Group (HOG) Rally 2004.

[Galleries]
2004-09-25
Minami Con 10
Despite being stuck in the games room for most of the con, I did manage to get some pretty good picture this year. Here they are.

[Articles]
2004-09-23
Acronym Redundancy
How many times have you heard a redundant acronym? Here is a list of the ones that we hear the most.

[Articles]
2004-09-10
The Anti Final Fantasy Cosplayer Alliance
These days, an increasing number of people seem to see fit to turn up to anime conventions dressed as Final Fantasy characters. We say... stop this madness, now!

[Galleries]
2004-08-05
In A Jam - Part 2
The Mafia, our favourite local rock covers band, have a second jam session. Ash goes along and decides to massacre a perfectly good Van Halen song. We have the photos.

[Galleries]
2004-07-18
Bob and Crow's Wedding
As a sequel to the paintball (or maybe the paintball was a prequel to the wedding?) here are some snaps from Crow and Bob's wedding - enjoy.

[Galleries]
2004-06-21
Crow Shooting
On Saturday the 19th of June 2004, Crow (the bassist in Portsmouth-based rock band The Mafia) had a stag party. We all went paintballing, and these are the pictures.

[Homage]
2004-06-19
Short Circuit
The movie that made robots cool again! This robot can't cook or maintain a household, but it's good with pets and abusive ex-boyfriends.

[Reviews]
2004-05-27
Van Helsing
Vampires, werewolves, mutants and Kate Beckinsale. Can this movie get any better?

[Techie Info]
2004-03-23
Copying VHS to DVD
A guide to producing a reasonably professional looking DVD version of a VHS tape, or any other analogue source.

[Homage]
2004-03-18
Gremlins
Strange little creatures that annoy grouchy old women and hold their own parties in public bars. Need I say more?!

[Homage]
2004-02-22
Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
A wizard, an annoying robot, a girl who appears to be stoned, Han Solo's twin brother and a young lad who seems to be going grey prematurely trying to destroy a gang of evil plants. No, it's not a really bad trip, it's Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors.

[Homage]
2004-02-22
Calpol
It's purple. It tastes nice. It makes you better. How can it be bad?

[Techie Info]
2004-02-08
Fun With Bandwidth Thieves
A humourous guide to protecting your website's bandwidth and having a bit of fun with those who would steal it.

[Homage]
2004-02-07
Killer Instinct
The video game that introduced 80-hit combos and then disappeared off the face of the planet.

[Articles]
2004-01-19
Towny Car Customisation on a Shoestring
The classic Madhouse series back for another run. Customise your car towny-style without having to shell out hundreds of pounds!

[Articles]
2004-01-19
What Does the XP in Windows XP Stand For?
So far, nobody has managed to figure out what XP actually stands for. By trawling that extremely useful resource known as Usenet, I've compiled a list of things normal people think XP stands for...

[Articles]
2004-01-11
Quan-Chi's Realm of Silliness
Quan-Chi, the real bad guy in Mortal Kombat 4 - the ultimate evil, hindered only by the sad truth that he is, in fact, extremely silly.

[Homage]
2004-01-04
The Trap Door
The most fun you can have with a large blue fat thing called 'Berk'.

[Reviews]
2003-12-15
Unicron
This year an historic event took place - a Unicron toy was finally released on the mass market. 17 years after his debut in the 1986 Transformers movie, we finally get to play with the big guy. Was he worth the wait?

[Articles]
2003-11-23
Cakemix Beyond
Ash details how to make ... sponge cake mixture.

[Reviews]
2003-10-18
The Guyver - Mutronics
Not only did Yoshiki Takaya's manga get turned into one of the worst anime OAV series of all time, it also got turned into two american live-action movies, which are so crap they're funny. Here is the first (and by far the funniest) one reviewed!

[Homage]
2003-10-18
Space Channel 5
It's cheesy, it's silly, but hey - it's a very alternative Japanese video game that by some miracle managed to get a UK release!

[Homage]
2003-10-12
The Goonies
Pirates! Yarr!

[Articles]
2003-09-21
Totally Inappropriate Greetings Cards
Ever wonder what the greetings cards companies will come up with next? Well, we're pretty sure even card companies won't stoop this low.

[Articles]
2003-08-24
Amusing Phrases in Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire
The most amusing new feature in the new Pokemon games allow the player to enter sentences and words in response to certain events which are usually displayed elsewhere. Ash looks into how you can make the game a lot funnier using this feature.

[Homage]
2003-08-03
Punch and Judy
That's the way to do it!

[Articles]
2003-07-13
All I Ever Wanted To Know About Life I Learnt From Streets of Rage 2
Simply pointing out the differences between reality and a rather addictive Megadrive game!

[Articles]
2003-07-13
Scout Badges that No-one Ever Got
Scouts get badges for things they do. They go camping, they get a camping badge. They form a band, they get a music badge. Of course no-one ever mentioned the elusive Writing Your Name In The Snow badge, or the even rarer International Terrorism badge...

[Homage]
2003-07-13
Mel Blanc
Mel Blanc - The Man of 1000 Voices, and the man who practically invented voice acting as a serious profession, given the long overdue Homage treatment

[Articles]
2003-04-27
All Your Dance Mat Are Belong To Us
After the success (sort of) of the modem manual, I bought a couple of import Japanese DDR mats - they had an engrish manual!

[Reviews]
2003-04-06
Mortal Kombat Annihilation
There are some bad video game movies, and there are some terrible video game movies. Mortal Kombat Annihilation is one of the worst - but we love it. Discover why...

[Homage]
2003-03-30
Big Loader
It's clear that Lego is the coolest toy of all time, there is no debate. But as more and more cool toys keep coming out and I think to myself how deprived I was as a kid (!) there is one toy from long ago that stands head and shoulders above anything they can come up with today. It is Big Loader.

[Galleries]
2003-03-16
Minami Con 9
Southampton, the first weekend in March 2003. A high percentage of the UK's anime fandom piled into the Novotel once again. If you were there, here's some pictures to remember it by. If not, here's what you missed.

[Homage]
2003-03-16
Pokemon
Homage to the increasing number of irritating little monsters in what was possibly the only successful video game to movie transition ever.

[Articles]
2003-01-26
Anime is better than a girlfriend because...
Something I did a long, long time ago and never bothered to upload.

[Articles]
2003-01-19
100 People Who Could Replace Ringo Starr as the Narrator of "Thomas the Tank Engine"
Need I say any more?

[Homage]
2002-12-18
Doom
Doom, my all time favourite video game, gets the Homage treatment! Let's get fragging...

[Homage]
2002-12-04
Watership Down
The animated movie based on the classic book by Richard Adams. Often mistaken for a childrens' film, it's a disturbing tale of a group of rebellious rabbits that covers politics, religion and life and death.

[Homage]
2002-12-04
The Legendary Teletubby Man
We've all seen buskers. There are good ones, there are bad ones, there are ones you feel like offering to pay them if they shut up. However, one remains the undisputed king of them all.

[Reviews]
2002-11-24
Die Another Day
James Bond goes to Cornwall! Or not. But is the 20th Bond movie any good?

[Articles]
2002-11-17
Why Do They Do That?
They've asked How Do They Do That many times. We now explore common instinctive human behaviour and attempt (and fail) to determine the rationality behind such actions.

[Articles]
2002-10-27
Campaign to Reduce Advertising by Post
Remember 'Dealing With Telesales'? This is the same sort of sillyness. It was going to be Campaign to Reduce the Efficiency of Unsolicited Commercial Mail, but CRAP sounds better than CREUCM.

[Homage]
2002-10-13
Tremors
50s-style monster movies ahoy! Possibly the best tounge-in-cheek horror comedy ever made.

[Homage]
2002-10-06
Monopoly
Along with Uno, this is one of my favourite games for breaking up friends and families. Or it is if you play it the way we do.

[Techie Info]
2002-09-15
How to resume WinMX downloads between versions
WinMX 2.6 no longer works, and if you change to a higher version you will lose all of your incomplete downloads. Here's my handy guide on how to get them back.

[Articles]
2002-09-01
10 Good Reasons Why You MUST See 'Eight-Legged Freaks'
I saw this movie expecting something to laugh at. What I saw was one of the most hilarious comedies of all time, featuring many scenes that made me very very happy. Read on...

[Homage]
2002-08-26
Braindead
Peter Jackson, director of the Lord of the Rings movie. Such a work of art can only be preceeded by... THE SICKEST AND MOST HILARIOUS GORE-FEST MOVIE YOU'LL EVER SEE!

[Reviews]
2002-07-29
Resident Evil
At long last, the movie version of the video game formerly known as Biohazard makes it to UK cinemas. How does it compare to its video game ancestor?

[Reviews]
2002-07-29
Spirited Away
Miyazaki's newest movie finally released on DVD, does it live up to his previous standards?

[Homage]
2002-06-17
The Mysterious Cities of Gold
Retro-anime flashback alert! I'm sure more of us than just me remembers this classic TV series

[Homage]
2002-06-15
Brio Wooden Railway Tracks
You can't go in an Early Learning Centre without seeing one of these things. They were completely customisable, and you could buy them in bits or full sets. The toy that enchanted a lot of children (including me when I was about 5) now ends up on this barmy website. How times change...

[Articles]
2002-06-09
Archaeologists in Anime and Reality
Most occupations have a stereotype, which unfortunately is painfully accurate in most cases. However, one line of work is portrayed completely differently depending on whether or not you're watching Japanese animation. I give you - the archaeologist.

[Articles]
2002-05-12
What's In An Ending?
There are good movies. There are bad movies. And then there are otherwise good movies that are ruined by lousy endings. Let's take a look, shall we?

[Homage]
2002-05-02
Quasar
Running around in a large darkened smoke-filled arena with a laser gun. Can you have much more fun in a darkened room? Er, well...

[Galleries]
2002-04-07
Minami Con 8
Southampton, the first weekend in March 2002. Most of the UK's anime fans piled into the Novotel for the 8th annual Minami convention. Dan and I were among them, and these are some of the pictures we took over the weekend.

[Homage]
2002-04-01
Transformers
Without a doubt, the coolest thing about the 80s

[Homage]
2002-04-01
Interceptor
The most fun you can have with a Scottish bloke in a trenchcoat, a laser, some really clueless contestants, £1000 and an ex-tennis player

[Articles]
2002-03-31
The Tosscars 2002 - RESULTS!
Blast from the past? Anyone who has been with us since the beginning will remember the Tosscars and the Shit Awards from days of old. Well, they're back to offend once again.

[Articles]
2002-03-17
Keep On Searchin'
Scouring the MHB logs, I come up with so many amusing search terms used to find us that I had to write another one of these articles.

[Homage]
2002-03-17
Snatcher
Many will know of Hideo Kojima, creator of Metal Gear Solid, but not as many will be familiar with his earlier work, particularly in the west. Snatcher is quite possibly my favourite RPG of all time, and it was only ever available in English on the good old Sega Mega-CD.

[Homage]
2002-03-16
The Sega Megadrive
The console that revolutionised gaming

[Homage]
2002-03-09
The Land of Nightmares
The only reason anyone ever watched The Dreamstone

[Articles]
2002-02-24
101 Reasons Never To Go To Marmaris
In the first week of July, the original Madhouse left this earth for pursuit of its ultimate form. Meanwhile the site's regulars were confused as to why I hadn't noticed. Simple - I was in Turkey. Read about my misadventures here...

[Homage]
2002-02-15
Green Jellÿ
Green Jellÿ Sucks! But in a good way...

[Homage]
2002-02-11
Red Dwarf
Crazy space sci-fi sitcom that reeks of curry and early morning breath that can cut through bank vaults. Just remember - no officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.

[Articles]
2002-01-06
Googling Free
The top 10 ways to stumble across Madhouse Beyond when you're actually looking for something completely different!

[Articles]
2001-12-30
Cats I've Liked
Those who know me will know that I believe cats to be the most vile and hideous domestic creatures on this earth (apart from poodles of course) But once in a while, I discover a cat I actually like. For those that are interested, here is a list of the best.

[Articles]
2001-12-23
Coke Wars
Ever wonder how more and more bars are getting away with charging more than £2 for a pint of imitation Coke? It's BECAUSE WE LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! Help cola drinkers everywhere by following our simple guide to conning the con artists...

[Articles]
2001-12-23
All Your Modem Are Belong To Us
Zero-Winglish, Engrish and general bad translations are not restricted to video games and eastern european holiday destinations. This article merely contains the manual that came with my modem.

[Homage]
2001-12-16
Technic Lego
It's Lego - but it moves! How cool is that?!

[Homage]
2001-12-15
Sushi
Raw fish? Think again.

[Articles]
2001-11-18
The Perils of Multinational Music
With the threat of globalisation forever looming, Ash takes a look at what happens when you try to please everyone. Er, using Sonic the Hedgehog as an example.

[Homage]
2001-11-11
Sweep
He's funny, he's talented, and what's more - he's Superdog!

[Homage]
2001-11-07
The Crystal Maze
The original 'vent your rage on a TV show' show

[Articles]
2001-10-28
How to play 'Towny Honking'
What started as an innocent but immature pastime evolved into possibly the funniest game you can play while driving around with your mates. Play this, and you are as sad as us.

[Homage]
2001-10-02
The Nintendo Gameboy
You're never bored if you've got one of these things with you

[Articles]
2001-08-26
Madhouse at Southsea Show 2001
On the 4th of August 2001, a bunch of tents and tight security arrived once more on Southsea Common. No, they couldn't keep us away, but we thought we'd better go in disguise...

[Homage]
2001-08-18
Frank Welker
The greatest contributor to animation voice acting in the west since Mel Blanc

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Uno
The game responsible for the most family break-ups since Monopoly

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Thundercats
The show that brought us the great Mumm-Ra

[Homage]
2001-08-11
The Sinclair ZX Spectrum
The greatest personal computer of all time

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Rubik's Puzzles
Ever wondered why I've got no hair left?

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Battle of the Rock Lords
Makes rock collecting look cool

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Orange Flavoured Ice Cream
A rare treat that nobody but a chosen few appreciate

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Mortal Kombat
Street Fighter + blood = Controversy!

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Godzilla
Japanese bloke in rubber suit alert!

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Inspector Gadget
A dodgy-looking bloke in a trenchcoat, dumb henchmen and Frank Welker

[Homage]
2001-08-11
Dance Dance Revolution
Video games keep you fit - it's official.

[Articles]
2001-08-05
Madhouse at Southsea Show 2000
On the 5th of August 2000, Ash went to Southsea show. To explain exactly why he bothered, here is his report on the experience.

[Articles]
2001-07-29
Dealing with Telesales
We've all had to deal with people ringing you at random trying to sell you stuff, so instead of getting mad, why not have a little fun with them?

[Articles]
2001-07-29
DJ QBasic
The mobile phone ringtone fad had a predecessor, masterminded by nerds. Prepare yourself for the rebirth of QBasic's PLAY command and the internal PC speaker...

 
 
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